Acceptance and forgiveness go hand in hand. Acceptance is releasing resistance to
what is and forgiveness is letting go the emotional attachments to the
outcome. Forgiveness means letting
go the suffering in your mind and your emotions.
If your mind is holding on to a pattern of blame, self-pity,
or resentment it is feeding your emotional state and may show up as regret,
sadness, hurt, fear, guilt, blame, anger, resentment or even desire for
revenge. All of these feelings tell you that you
have not forgiven nor let go.
Non-forgiveness may be towards yourself or another person. It can also be about a situation or condition past, present or future that your mind refuses to accept.
Acceptance is the first step and step two is a willingness
to forgive. You may not know exactly how to forgive just be willing to forgive
and you have begun.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning their attitude or
behaviour it simply releases your attachment to wishing it were different aka
resisting what is and suffering your mental perception of what that means to
you.
You live with a general feeling of discontent, resentment
and irritation that is present in the background as you go through your day.
This feeling is fed by unconscious thoughts that go along the following lines.
“There is something that needs to happen in my life
before I can be at peace (happy, fulfilled, etc.). And I resent that it hasn’t
happened yet.”
“Something happened in the past that should not have
happened and I resent that. If that hadn’t happened I would be at peace now.”
“I will never be peaceful or happy until they apologize and
acknowledge how they have hurt me.”
Oh my. You can
feel it can’t you. The futility of needing someone else to do something so you
can be free and happy. What if you never get it?
You are simply
telling yourself stories of how you’ll be at peace at some point in the future
once a certain event happens.
Are you to suffer a life of sadness and despair because you
are giving the key to your own peace and happiness to another person or
situation? There is another way.
Become aware of the stories you’re constantly telling
yourself in the back of your mind of why you can’t be happy now.
Decide that being happy–and at peace– is more important
to you than being right.
Symbolically let them go.
Once you are ready take the next step to surrender into
forgiveness. In your heart and open to be willing to forgive them. In truth
nothing others do is because of you it is because of the stories within them.
When you stop taking it person you set yourself free from unhappiness.
You can begin with simple intent “I forgive you for not
being how I want you to be.” “I
forgive you your ignorance, you have no idea how it hurts.” “I forgive you for
being so wrapped up in your delusion and drama.” Find words that work for you.
A Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness and release that I use is the Ho'oponopono mantra "I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you." This prayer is not said for the other person but rather for you. It is a way of acknowledging, accepting and letting go your reaction or attachment to the past. It is traditionally said over and over until you feel a shift within.
- The apology is an acknowledgement that we are sorry for whatever it is that we (or our ancestors before us) have done to cause or allow the adverse circumstance to take place.
- We are asking for forgiveness for having forgotten we are love.
- Love is a great healing power. The very act of thinking loving thoughts will tune your mind to that frequency with remarkable and immediate results. Love is accepting yourself and your feelings.
- Your "thank you" is the acknowledgement that your intention has been heard and accepted and now you can let go.
