"My life is ruined! There is no hope. You ruined everything, I'll never forgive you. Whoa is me." Ever been there? I know I have. Granted, some things in life do seem momentous or disastrous in the moment and we see no way out and yet here we are on the other side of it.
It is our conditioned nature to take things personal and or to assign blame for our circumstances outside of ourselves. We put our expectation of happiness on outside circumstances and when we feel let down we get emotionally, mentally devastated and the story of drama begins. We live it. We imagine the worst case scenario, believe it to be true, feel victimized, assign blame and probably dream or take revenge. In other words we over react to a judgement about what happened, not life itself.
Here is a prime example from my own life. It's 1982. I am desperate to move out of the rundown townhouse we were living in as I raised a three year old and 1 year old twins. It was constantly cold in the cement ground floor apartment with only an unfinished basement for storage and laundry. Sometimes Andy was away for 14 days at a time leaving me to comfort myself with food and regular crying jags. I was depressed, sad, stuck and feeling helpless when the 'opportunity of a life time' came our way. We got a lead on an acreage sale just 20 minutes East of town. Yes it was a trailer on 3 acres of land but it was a mansion compared to our present domicile. I was hooked.
All of a sudden I was certain that this was the answer to everything!! Four bedrooms, a kitchen and dining room, fresh air for the kids and freedom from the distressing noise and disruptions common to the neighbourhood. Now all we need is the money for the down payment.
My dear mother in law, God rest her soul, came forward to rescue us and set me free. I prayed everyday, good Catholic that I was for the paperwork to go through, the loan to go through and for it to be done yesterday. I was in a hurry and it consumed my every waking moment. This was my salvation. Mom had taught me early on that "Prayers work. You may not always get what you asked for, but you will always get what you truly need." Blindly believing that to be true, I knew in my heart our prayers had been answered.
The day the final transfer papers were to be signed, my mother in-law had a bad day and sadly succumbed to her addiction and got very, very drunk. She and Andy argued and yup, she withdrew her offer for financial assistance.
I was devastated beyond words! She and she alone had ruined my entire life!!! Resentful, angry and unforgiving we began to drift apart. I could not forgive her. She and she alone had ruined the rest of my life. It was not pretty.
Three months go by and I got a letter from my lawyer to say "Oh my God you are lucky to have lost that house. Turns out the guy selling it did not own it. He was managing the property for the owner who was in Australia at the time. You would have lost everything."
Huh.....my Mom was right, I did get what I needed not what I 'thought' I needed, who knew.
Retrospect is a great teacher isn't it. Take a tea break and let yourself stroll down memory lane and witness when you were let down in the moment and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
"There are no accidents." Acceptance is peace.
Here is a prime example from my own life. It's 1982. I am desperate to move out of the rundown townhouse we were living in as I raised a three year old and 1 year old twins. It was constantly cold in the cement ground floor apartment with only an unfinished basement for storage and laundry. Sometimes Andy was away for 14 days at a time leaving me to comfort myself with food and regular crying jags. I was depressed, sad, stuck and feeling helpless when the 'opportunity of a life time' came our way. We got a lead on an acreage sale just 20 minutes East of town. Yes it was a trailer on 3 acres of land but it was a mansion compared to our present domicile. I was hooked.
All of a sudden I was certain that this was the answer to everything!! Four bedrooms, a kitchen and dining room, fresh air for the kids and freedom from the distressing noise and disruptions common to the neighbourhood. Now all we need is the money for the down payment.
My dear mother in law, God rest her soul, came forward to rescue us and set me free. I prayed everyday, good Catholic that I was for the paperwork to go through, the loan to go through and for it to be done yesterday. I was in a hurry and it consumed my every waking moment. This was my salvation. Mom had taught me early on that "Prayers work. You may not always get what you asked for, but you will always get what you truly need." Blindly believing that to be true, I knew in my heart our prayers had been answered.
The day the final transfer papers were to be signed, my mother in-law had a bad day and sadly succumbed to her addiction and got very, very drunk. She and Andy argued and yup, she withdrew her offer for financial assistance.
I was devastated beyond words! She and she alone had ruined my entire life!!! Resentful, angry and unforgiving we began to drift apart. I could not forgive her. She and she alone had ruined the rest of my life. It was not pretty.
Three months go by and I got a letter from my lawyer to say "Oh my God you are lucky to have lost that house. Turns out the guy selling it did not own it. He was managing the property for the owner who was in Australia at the time. You would have lost everything."
Huh.....my Mom was right, I did get what I needed not what I 'thought' I needed, who knew.
Retrospect is a great teacher isn't it. Take a tea break and let yourself stroll down memory lane and witness when you were let down in the moment and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
"There are no accidents." Acceptance is peace.
